Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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