The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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