with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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