Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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