i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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