o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
