i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
