are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
