you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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