i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
