We won't sleep together?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
