dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
