Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
