Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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