Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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