So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
