Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
