Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
