We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
