i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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