from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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