True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
