He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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