tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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