dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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