You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
