her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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