Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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