Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
