Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
