If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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