What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm too high and old for this...
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