You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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