Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just invented taco cereal.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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