Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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