I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
