There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I had your ass I would rule the world
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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