They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
