he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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