Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
