You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
