Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
