I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
