Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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