If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
