Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it because I queefed?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
