I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Two words: blizzard sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
