his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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