for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
