she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
