So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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